Things just got worse.

Tuesday 31st August was the day I got up for work - but ended up in A&E with severe stomach pains. This then lead to at least 3 days of fasting and slowly dying due to starvation. Then, at 12am, 5th September I was taken into theatre, shaking ridiculously and tears strolling down my face in the anaesthetic room. Don't know why because I'd done it 3 times before! Woke up half dead in Recovery without my voice. Then when given the option to eat, I couldn't. Mum collected me and brought me home 7th September, moaning about some rumours she heard about me. As if that's what I needed as soon as I come out of hospital. The next day she tells me the same news and has a go at me. So I write an angry letter and we make friends.

Since, I've had to stay in the house with just my mum and no one else. Fed up and stressed out. Mum comes home from work today in a shit mood and it all gets taken out on me. We end up rowing and I storm up to my room in tears and haven't been down since 3pm. It's now 7.20pm. I hate this. I'm desperate to move out...

Desperate for change.

now playing: Until the Day I Die by Story of the Year.

I'm desperate for a change. I want to do something that will change my life, and others' too. I want to make an impact - something that will please and fulfil people. I'm already bored with the same old working pace. I know I just sound lazy, but if I could play my guitar for the rest of my life and live comfortably, I would. Just live off music for good, sing my heart out no matter how badly I sound.

I like to think there's a little musician inside of me that is desperate to break free and just say "fuck you" to the world.

She prays for answers

An inkling of an image into the future

To plan ahead and play safe

But it's not what she wants

Truly

She would shine brighter than the sun

Leaving trails where she had come from

Never forgetting her roots, but letting them grow

Twining and holding the hearts of loved ones

Billie the Beauty.

now playing: The Club is Alive by JLS.

Bad song, I know. I just like a good beat sometimes! It's better that watching the documentary about brainwashing that my mum is fixing her concentration on right now. And I'm just in love with my iPod. I don't know where I'd be without any music and it's devices. I would lead a pretty dull life. The powerful lyrics of Billie Joe Armstrong and his men are just enough to keep me going in life and give me the courage to give the world and "Eff you" every once in a while. That man is a genius, an inspiration. He definitely deserves the name of Rock God of the 21st Century. Plus he is quite the fitty. The simple chords that he can put together to form the most catchy, most heart satisfying melodies are the work of a pure angel :)

You may also notice from the pic that I had my fringe cut for £1. Can't say they did a bad job.

I'm back and free :)

Well, this is me looking a bit professionally shit, but so happy I can finally relax when I get home without feeling guilty that I ain't revising. I can now do my favourite thing on a night - sit in my armchair and spend hours on my laptop :)

So yeah, the main reason for the time away was due to revision, not that much got done. I was so hard to even get my eyes to read the material. I like to think the exams asked the right questions.

Still have general studies and my finance resit but they're nothing. Happy days, we're going all the way! That's a song lyric btw...

Oh! And I'm also so happy as Nadal won today, and Federer won yesterday! Wimbledon is kicking in, and yet again, I'm too busy working to watch the daytime games. I guess I won't see a full Wimbledon season until I retire. Maybe I might be rich enough by then to get some tickets :P

Ah well, as long as Andy Murray gets his arse whipped baaaaadly. He deserves to gte my foot planted in his face.

G'night!

Better Things...

now playing: Big Brother

And tbh, thank goodness it's the last one! Was getting a bit old. I swear the audience only go there to boo the participant people things...

Things are better since I was last on here. Mum is still having her moods, but I've learned to shrug them off. It's like I can't cry anymore which is weird cause all I ever used to do was cry at anything. Maybe I'm actually starting to grown up?

I have a friend who has serious mental heath issues. To the point where people have considered sectioning him. He's like a best friend to me, and spending time with him has made me realise I have no reason to complain about my life. Every night he makes himself bleed. Obviously, this kills me. All I can do is tell him to call or text me when he feels like self-harming, and I will try and talk to him about other things and take him mind off it. It probably won't work, but I can't just sit back and not do anything.

Anyway, I'm sure he will get everything he wants in life :)

Peace (and a headache).

now playing: Music Or the Misery by Fall Out Boy

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

Mum just seems to want to put everything about my and my boyfriend down. If she doesn't like him why doesn't she just come out and say it instead of being an arse. One minute she speaks so highly or him and then next she puts him down. But I think for once, I'm going to go with what I want instead of doing stuff to keep her happy. I just know in time she will start hinting that I need to split up with him. Unless there's a good reason, she can get lost. I'm 18, and she can leave me alone now.

Her moods have been vile recently. I know we have troubles, but there's ways of dealing with it without dragging other people down with you. I'm sick of feeling trapped by her and crying every time she goes off on one. And she like to get answers. I'm not justifying myself. She should just leave me to my own devices, otherwise things are gonna go bad like last time...

I was about 14, the worst age for a growing girl. I befriended a lot of people and became one of them, known as the "moshers" hanging around Wakefield cathedral ever Saturday afternoon without fail. We weren't bad people, we just didn't get a lot done - in this case, it was school work that was neglected. This, for a person who has to revise at least 50 hours to pass an exam, was diabolical. Me and mum had our first ever fights, she couldn't talk to me without me being awful to her - all because she wouldn't give me space. That's all I needed. It got to the point where I attempted to run away from home, until someone saw me at the top of my street.

Now, yet again, she's suffocating me. What she's forgetting is that I am a "woman" now, and I can do what I want in a sense. I don't have to do what she wants to keep her happy. I could move out if I wanted. but yet she still tries to hold me down. I'm not going to cry because of her anymore.

I know this is awful stuff to say or think, but the anger has to come out at some point right? Meant to express your feelings? Apparently I ain't allowed to do that either. Anyway, the chances of her reading this are extremely slim since she's not a computer person.

I need to get away.

now playing: If We Ever Meet Again by Timbaland (it's stuck in my head)

I'm currently blogging from my phone, so there is likely to be typos and it will look crap.

I have no work ethic. It's official. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning to the point where I've missed at least one bus everyday. I am also losing motivation at work, and due to work I have got no revision done for my exams on the 21st. Awesome. Doesn't help that Kyle is away on a military course thing so that's one less person I can nag and complain at.
I haven't picked up my guitar in well over a week - poor Billie. He now probably thinks he's done something wrong, bless him (yes I talk to my guitar like he's a real person).
I want Kyle to come home. How I'm gonna cope when he's actually serving for our country, I do not know. I suppose this is practice. I've never had a boyfriend that I've felt dearly about. It feels weird. All my friends used to go on about how they're obsessed with their boyfriends and I just remember thinking that I just couldn't be bothered with mine. I'm a horrible person!

now playing: Planet Hell by Nightwish

SAT OUT IN THE GARDEN C:

It's lovely and warm outside. Got the garden loungers out and chatting with the next-door neighbour.

Like it says, today was extremely frustrating. I woke up at the usual time of 6.30am ready for college. My first lesson started at 11.30, which it takes me over an hour to get to college, so I could chill before class. Then went to class to find it was cancelled, and we had work left for us to read through. Cancelled. My only lesson of the day. Bad. Times. Maybe he could have sent us an e-mail? Modern technology of today allows that now, Gary.

Due to my ever growing frustration, I left work that I need to do tonight for tomorrow, at college. So I'm going to have to improvise every-fucking-thing. Oh my days.

So instead, spend the day with another in the same situation, and luckily I had brought my laptop to college, so browsed through my many, many, many gigabytes of music. Killed a lot of time.

The air has suddenly got cold. This calls for my hoodie.

What is also bad is that I do not have a sophisticated topic to talk about, other than complain about the one above. This is more like a diary extract now. Dayum. AH HA! I know...

The child next-door to me. She is nearly 5 years old, and still can't form proper words or string sentences together. Why isn't this worrying the mother? The fact that the girl's parents have hardly spoken to her in an educational manner, such as reading to her? It seems the mother has no clue. Plus, the child is extremely demanding - used to getting what she wants. As soon as someone so much as advises the kid not to do something before she gets hurt, she cries. And screams. And throws a paddy. This kid will go to school soon, and is going to get what she needs. Children these days know how to stand up for themselves. She will get a shock. Plus, she's already riddled with head lice. Sometimes I feel like taking her in and sorting her out. I know I'm only 18, and people would be like, "What do you know? You're not even mature enough." Yeah, maybe, but I'd still have a damn good go at it.

I think I should leave the mothering subject until tomorrow. STOP.

Another college day...

I IZ IN PAJAMIES!

Well, today was fun! 1 of 2 lessons cancelled, so a huuuuuuge waste of time. But then lunch consisted of KFC and milkshakes. I'm gonna be sooo fat...

The sweetehs! Oh my days. They got shoved up our noses, as seen below...

Good times! Anyway...

Song writing has been really crap recently. I just don't seem to have any inspiration. I don't want to write about the same old stuff, such as relationships, and teen angst for example. That stuff is way too overdone. But then come to think of it, what else is there worth writing about? Unless you constantly suffer bad experiences with health, family or subjects from the past. People always tell you to be original. But so many people are trying, ideas can be taken so easily. As a guitarist for an in-the-process-of-formation band, the pressure is on, and it is so frustrating. For me, nothing really that eventful has happened to me. I don't think people would want to listen to a song about someone's new full-time job in finance - can't see that catching on somehow...

There is one song that I wrote quite a while back, when I was experiencing frustration of maturing with an overprotective mother. I'm sure many teenagers like me have gone through that at some point. Looking at it, I think this one has potential.

I think I just need more time.

Tummy ache...

Hello.

Well, the interview could have been better or worse. The fact that I burn up in the face and take in so much air that I can't breathe doesn't really help tbh. Plus, the guy had a brummy accent. But, I tried my best.

I'm in one of those moods where I can't wait for my mum to stop talking, that's all she has done all day. I just want to be left to my own devices.

I'm also worrying about a friend right now. I'm getting a weird vibe from him, even if it is over Facebook messenger thingybob.

Ah, well. I have a 5 hour gap between my lessons tomorrow. May go see teh boyfriend C:

I'm always chuffing signing up to stuff...

INTERVIEW TODAY :(

I don't even want the job anymore since my current work place offered me a full time placement ready for leaving college.

I'm sat in my little armchair with the laptop, and need to go to bed. But I can't. Can't be arsed getting up. This is making me sound soooooo lazy...

Right, me. Wanna know? Meh. Well, I'm Katherine, 18, at college studying psychology, geography and finance. I work in banking. I play a B-E-A-utiful Les Paul guitar. Such a pity it's not an original. My iPod goes everywhere with me. Like, everywhere. You don't need to know all this...

What I wanna know is, you know that question and answer website? Formspring.me? It's a breeding ground for cyber-bullying. Seriously. Two of my college friends on there are getting a lot of nasty shit on there and I think it's pretty appalling to be honest. For example, "ive seen you in college, why the fuck do you walk and hang out with melissa armitage, you walk like you two are fit and youre not, and as if you own the place. Also Melissa looks like she has downs syndrome."
It doesn't help that people are allowed to leave comments/questions anonymously. I would be absolutely crushed if anyone posted that stuff to me. Saying that, I am extremely sensitive, so I just fail.